Let’s face it—most of your dog’s so-called “problem behaviors” aren’t your dog’s fault; they’re yours. Dogs bark, dig, jump, and chew because they’re dogs, not because they’re secretly plotting to annoy you. Whether you’re demanding robotic obedience without ever clearly teaching the rules, or you’re letting your dog run wild because you think rules are mean, you’re failing them either way. Dogs don’t magically know human etiquette—they need you to guide them. Stop blaming your dog and start looking at how your own unrealistic expectations or lack of structure created the chaos you’re complaining about.
Let’s Face the Truth: We’re the Problem
We’ve all been there—coming home exhausted only to find your favorite shoes destroyed or trash scattered everywhere. Immediately, the blame lands squarely on the dog. We’re quick to assume that he’s misbehaving intentionally, deliberately choosing to frustrate us. But let’s get real: dogs don’t operate with human morality or logic. That shoe was tempting; the trash smelled delicious. Your dog’s actions weren’t revenge—they were instinct.
The inconvenient truth is that we frequently place unrealistic expectations on our dogs, demanding a robotic version of obedience without actually putting in the work to teach them properly. On the flip side, we also have the crowd that believes rules and structure “steal” a dog’s freedom. Guess what? Both extremes are equally harmful, and honestly, they’re both on us, not the dogs.
Unrealistic Expectations: Your Dog Is Not a Robot
Too many dog owners live in a fantasy world where dogs inherently understand human rules, immediately behave like Lassie, and effortlessly control impulses to sniff, jump, or bark. Research by Stephens-Lewis and Schenke (2024) exposes this harsh reality: many behaviors we label as “problematic” aren’t problems at all—they’re just inconvenient for us humans. Your dog lunging enthusiastically to meet another dog or barking when someone knocks isn’t being “bad”; they’re simply doing what dogs naturally do. Yet, these normal behaviors are often misinterpreted as disobedience or aggression, leading to frustration, unfair punishment, and ultimately broken bonds or even surrendering the dog entirely (Stephens-Lewis & Schenke, 2024).
It’s brutal and heartbreaking to watch people blame and punish their dogs for doing precisely what is natural, without providing them with the tools or training to behave differently. When did we decide dogs should automatically know human etiquette without teaching them first? It’s unfair, unrealistic, and frankly, irresponsible.
Freedom Isn’t Freedom if It Leads to Anxiety and Chaos
Now, let’s address the other extreme—the “I love my dog so much I let him do anything he wants” camp. Yes, your intentions might be noble, but giving your dog unlimited freedom without boundaries isn’t kindness—it’s neglect. Dogs without clear rules and guidance often become anxious, insecure, and reactive. Barcelos, Kargas, and Mills (2024) highlight exactly this issue. Their research shows dogs who lack structured routines or consistent boundaries are prone to anxiety, aggression, and other severe behavioral issues, which, by the way, significantly stress out their owners as well.
Giving dogs unlimited freedom isn’t kindness—it’s lazy ownership dressed up as compassion. Dogs, just like children, crave clear guidance to navigate a complicated world. If you’re letting your dog run wild, don’t act surprised when chaos ensues. Dogs without structure become anxious because they never know what to expect. Instead of feeling free, they’re stressed and insecure, constantly guessing what’s allowed and what’s forbidden. You’re not protecting your dog’s autonomy; you’re setting them up to fail.
The Real Solution is Clarity, Not Control
What dogs really need isn’t micromanagement or total freedom—it’s clarity. Structure isn’t about suppression or punishment; it’s about providing clear, consistent guidelines that help dogs confidently navigate their environment. Dogs are fully capable of learning self-control, but research clearly indicates that training alone doesn’t automatically result in universal self-control across all situations (Silver et al., 2024). Dogs don’t generalize rules as easily as we assume. It’s up to us to clearly teach them, reinforce the lessons across different situations, and allow them to make safe mistakes from which they can learn.
Silver et al. (2024) demonstrated that dogs trained in specific tasks, even those involving impulse control, didn’t necessarily perform better than average pet dogs when tested in different contexts. That means training a dog to sit politely for a treat doesn’t automatically transfer to real-world scenarios, like resisting the urge to chase squirrels or bark at strangers. Dogs need opportunities to practice impulse control and decision-making in everyday life scenarios, not just artificial training environments. Training needs to be realistic, consistent, and fair—letting dogs experience both rewards and appropriate consequences in contexts similar to those they’ll encounter daily.
Dogs benefit most from clear boundaries because boundaries create security. When a dog clearly understands what behaviors are rewarded and what behaviors have consequences, they’re able to self-regulate. Self-regulation is true freedom—the freedom to make good choices without constant reminders or punishments.
Are You Actually Doing Enough, or Just Expecting Too Much?
It’s time we owners took a brutally honest look at ourselves. How much have we actually invested in teaching our dogs how to behave? Have we provided clear guidance, consistency, and structure—or are we just winging it, blaming the dog for our own lack of effort?
Training isn’t about forcing your dog into compliance; it’s about giving them the information they need to thrive. If your dog doesn’t know the household rules, that’s your failure, not theirs. If your dog is constantly anxious or reactive because you’ve never consistently reinforced expectations or provided reliable guidance, guess what—again, that’s on you.
We need to stop blaming our dogs for being dogs. The behaviors we label as “bad” often reflect our own shortcomings: unrealistic expectations, inconsistent training, or misguided ideas of freedom and autonomy.
Let’s Step Up Our Game
Here’s a hard truth: your dog’s inconvenient behaviors probably aren’t about them—they’re about you. It’s time to stop placing blame and start taking responsibility. Dogs are incredible companions, but they’re also a reflection of the guidance (or lack thereof) they’ve received.
So ask yourself honestly: are you teaching your dog what’s expected, clearly and consistently, or are you leaving them to fail? Are you expecting your dog to behave perfectly without effort, or are you neglecting the boundaries they desperately need? The answer might sting, but it’s also liberating. Because once you recognize your own role, you can change it—and in doing so, you can transform your dog’s behavior and your relationship.
Let’s stop making excuses and start giving dogs what they truly need: clear, balanced guidance. It’s not about perfection, and it’s definitely not about unrestricted chaos—it’s about clarity, consistency, and compassion. Your dog deserves nothing less—and quite frankly, neither do you.
References
Barcelos, A. M., Kargas, N., & Mills, D. (2024). The effects of dog behavioural problems on owner well-being: A review of the literature and future directions. Pets, 1(1), 53–69. https://doi.org/10.3390/pets1010007
Silver, Z. A., Singer, R. A., Welch, R., Perry, I., Jones, C. D., Cates, A., Foster, C., Sullivan, S., Hall, I., & Furlong, E. E. (2024). Training does not uniformly increase canine self-control. Animals, 15(3), 320. https://doi.org/10.3390/ani15030320
Stephens-Lewis, D., & Schenke, K. C. (2024). “Obedient, but cheeky”: Human expectations of canine behaviour and companionship. Journal of Applied Animal Welfare Science, 28(1), 150–166. https://doi.org/10.1080/10888705.2023.2233885
Mia Vargas, M.S.
Writer & Anthrozoologist
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